why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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