no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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