I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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