I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
