D3 body, D1 cock
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
