Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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