my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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