Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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