I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
