Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Couch. On fire.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
