Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
