I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
