so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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