Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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