everyone is single if you try hard enough
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
