Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
