it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
