Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
