I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
