i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
