i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
