This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
