Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
