the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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