Can i not drive my cunt home
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
