Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
