Heybabeimwearingurpanties
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
