and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
