I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
