That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
