It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
