The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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