I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
