Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
