$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
