I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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