:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
