I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
