Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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