did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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