The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
