everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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