i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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