You can't motorboat a personality
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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