Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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