This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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