literally had 100 drinks last night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
