This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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