So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
