; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
