good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
