I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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