There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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