His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
