I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
